Guaranteed 100 per cent puerile or your money back!

Whether it’s a birthday or another special occasion, we all want to feel our best. And that’s where Tess Cards can help. At the first sign of grumpiness their powerful formula – enriched with childish puns, parody and terrible poetry – gets straight to work, poking fun at life’s “problem areas” like know-it-all teens, yoga bores and untameable body hair.

Meanwhile, a concentrated dose of dark humour smoothes out bad moods, resulting in a lighter, brighter feeling and a wider smile. For optimum results, rub Tess Cards firmly over your upper arms, the back of your thighs and your buttocks before displaying on the mantelpiece*.
(*The cards, not your buttocks. But we're not going to judge you)




Check out our three brand-new collections: Score Cards, Acid Drops and – with added gold sparkle – the horoscope-themed Unlucky Stars. Plus we've added a few more fiendish felines to our popular Evil Cats range…




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